Again and again I was told ‘No’, denied access to the funding, training or staff needed to carry out the work in the best interests of the young people. A culture of cutting corners and neglect took hold as staff cuts were put in place. I had become a round peg in a square hole, and my discomfort increased daily. Before finally resigning from my management role in education, and the job I previously loved, I experienced a series of wake up calls. My first wake-up call was a brush with my own imminent death. I woke up in the middle of the night with an intense feeling of anxiety such that I had not yet experienced. In order to alleviate it I went into my study and sat at my PC preparing to check my work emails!! As soon as I did this, my chest tightened, my entire left hand side went into spasm and I could barely breathe. I thought ‘this is it, I am having a heart attack and I am going to die. Alone. Checking my emails’. I woke my husband up and very soon I was on a call with a doctor, who after asking me a series of questions told me that I had had a panic attack and instructed me to take two weeks (at least) off work. This was the permission I needed. Within a few hours of taking this time off, I began to feel…well – happy, relaxed, myself again!!
The second was when I realised that I no longer felt compassion. I simply did not care about any of my clients, and this was SO unlike me. My third wake-up call was a vivid encounter with nature that shook me to the depths and saved me from emotional breakdown and spiritual death and then I finally began to wake up from the nightmare that I had co-created. I did a series of trainings and worked with several coaches throughout this time. In one life changing event, I discovered that by accessing the wisdom of my body I could actually receive messages directly from nature. And I received a message loud and clear from a tree that we are all one (I already knew this cognitively but to receive it in my body was the certainty that I needed). I knew that I had a new calling to pursue, and it did not involve doing something I now hated. It was time for me to BE ME. And DO WHAT I LOVE.
So, I know what it’s like to be lost to myself, and I know what it took to find myself again. And the joy is that now this amazing CREATIVE learning journey of astounding discovery and adventure that is my life continues to gather momentum day by day!
I now live my LIFE as a creative project and am committed to helping YOU do the same.
I would love to connect with you so that we can discuss how this can happen for you.